Today, like every other day, I wake up empty and frightened!!

My spirit
saw how dull and down I was
and came and sat laughing on my bed.
Holding my brow,
“Sweetheart, I can’t bear
to see you like this!”

Rumi.

P.S: I hate being SIck!!!!!!!!!!!

Indecent proposal!!

I got this Funny Msg this Morning ..A guy From ‘FB’..am surprised Guys sumtimes can be as predictable and Fool!!!!! This guy have been pinging me from coiuple of weeks! but i kept my mode on IGNORE… so he planned to be a littel more honest this time! and what he sent me!!!

“Khurram Apr 28, 2008 at 3:51 am

ok, this time i m serious

i know it seems weird, but i know what i m doing, actually i m looking for my lifepartner online as well as offline.
So heres the deal, if u r not engaged or soemthing, n wanna give me a chance, we can work things out. who knows wat fate has instore for us. we can chat here on FB or yahoo. i can send u my details.
n plz after laughing at this mail, Do consider it seriously.
tc”

Wat is with this Guy? You think he will get lucky????

P.S: Plz guys my humble request.. Help him ..As he didn’t mention gender.. Guys yu can try ur luck too :P.. Am sure somthing can be done

TV Remote Fight!

I don’t know If any of you ever had experienced any WAR like “TV remote WAR” but I do..! Everyday..! And I am sick of fighting for remote…! My Brother, he is too smart to win it wid no big effort…but in my case…I have to do too many preparations..! Like “If mom is aware that I am hiding remote (cus if she is! She is always at Bhai’s side)” or “if my house keeper keeping an eye on me so he can inform my brother about my hiding place {he is actually bad guy in my story! (Housekeeper)}” and sumtimes.. all my brother need to do is to Scold me or give me a harsh tone and I let him win over my Win..

Once when we were fighting big time over the remote. I won but he went outside and disconnected the cable connection…How fair is that???

The point is..! I love my brother :p.. but my only one tiny little wish.. is to screw HIS FOOTBAL match sum day! like he screw my “desperate housewives”.. LOL.. comon! am a gal!! wat do you expect??

It was a YES?! Incredible!!

Its a worth watching Vedio, yes it isentertaining! but man he is confident!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fViV66t8pJw

America’s Got Talent (Chicago) - Kashif

Am Jealous!! these Kids! man they are lucky!!

I am sorry. But, honestly! these kids have more rights, freedom and options than we did back then..
I am not complaining but aren’t these kids lucky or wat.. i dont remember playing with paydoh..No Mcdonalds or anything.. :/ i was never big fan of Dolls! but now i feel bad that bak then i wasn’t having nay other options.. like kids have today.. clay toys..wooden toys..plastic..and God knows how many rest..! The point is…….. I hate that I can’t live my childhood now..! although i try.. but people dont take me seriously.. yesterday i get Soap Bubble water can for 10bux at signal and my driver’s silly smile was quite noticeable huh.. I mean com’on.. Mera b dil ha..!!

I was very Un-happy Kid.. ! and even now I mostly am..My oldest memory is “get beaten by my cousins and Cry and the worst part is after getting done wid my crying.. I had to convince my cousins to let me play with them..:)” I was SILLY.. Now I feel helpless cus now i learnt to fight bak! But everytime i try to make sum horrible move! my mom’s voice echo in my ears.. Gals dont FIGHt..!

Wat about spanking! these kids dont get any of it..! wats with today’s parents??? Man I want to born in this era..! its better ..Well I guess that is sumthing Impossible ! but i hope…If i get chance to become mom in my life.. I ll live my childhood again wid my kid.. but till then! am Danm Jealous…!! 

 P.S: Should I be telling my age??

Fate?? Or Torture??

Another fine morning.. Waking-up early performing my rituals. Wondering why it’s still hard to cope with my weaknesses that I have been carrying along with me from so long… Why every morning I wake up and hate myself for being alive: /

I used to find a nice gal’s image every morning in my mirror, somehow I lost it, I can’t see her there. I miss her, I miss being herL. I loved her, I still do, but….!!!

 

I look at myself and want to destroy the thing staring back at me. Perhaps I should commit suicide and just leave my hurt behind. I have gotten into cutting, but I haven’t the will to cut deep enough. But who could stop me? No one will… and no one would care anyway. I’m just another drop in the bucket. Another small dot that will never be missed.

Moonlight spilling into my room, I cry myself to sleep hoping for a better day. I’ve made myself pale, cold, gaunt, ugly. No warm hands touch, hug, or kiss me. Who would? What friends do I have… none. If I could have something for my birthday…it would be a friend :/

 

I have a very rough past that could be attributed to my low-self esteem, but I know the root of my problems stems from the way I look.

I am not so disgusting that you’d die if you saw me, but I’m just a tiny bit below desirable. No one ever wants to get to know me, and no one has ever wanted a relationship with me beyond friendship. Some days I’ll be fine and then I’ll walk past a mirror and immediately leave so that I can go home. I always feel anxious in public, because people will criticize me for being scene if choose to dress and style my hair that way, but I’ll just be called ugly and laughed at if I don’t (The style conceals a lot and makes me somewhat more attractive). My family reassures me that I look good, but I know they’re just lying to ‘help’ me.

There are so many things I am limited from doing due to my appearance. People think that I’m younger than I am, it’s hard to hold down a job and as I motioned, no one wants to be involved in a relationship with me. I feel so insecure that I can’t bring myself to meet people I’ve known over the internet, who could potentially be great friends, because I am afraid they’ll see how gross I am and never want to talk again. That, and I’m afraid that I’ll disappoint them by not having an interesting or fun personality.

My life revolves around looking the way I want to and I can’t have that, so I often contemplate death. My attitude towards life is really nonchalant, I wouldn’t care if I died right now to be honest

The most unfair thing is that people are discriminated against for something they can’t change. I get ignored on a regular basis because of my ugliness’ and find it hard relating to people, because I can sense them constantly judging me.

 

I really wish that if my life could be one movie..So I can get to its horrible end and start acting in another happy movie.. L Where am not pushed to look in a certain way, not as an Ugly maid, but as real nice Princess.

I never heard any sweet names for me, ekh and God knows why can’t I just not want that :/

 

Thinking all these crazy stuffs..!! Leaving to my bed at night, My fav last bangle died in my writs..[Fate or torture] with my dim sound of my heartbeat; Just HOPEING AND PRAYING FOR BETTER TOMORROW.

 

Good Night Sahar!!!   

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